Read Part 1
by Sean Hoade
Oh, Chris and Ian at Zamplebox. We know that you guys bring your subscribers great new flavors every month for less than the cost of something more expensive. But another epic service you provide is the “Vaping the grossest e-liquids ever” series on YouTube. We know it hurts to bring these gnarly, offensive clouds into your mouth and lungs … and that’s another reason why we salute you with this latest installment of “Zamplebox vapes the nasty.”
Below are some of their choicest comments. Enjoy. (Because they sure didn’t.)
“Hot” Chocolate, Horehound, Popcorn Butter, Hollandaise Sauce
We start today with the literally painful “Hot” Chocolate, the weird-but-not-too-bad Horehound, and the stupefyingly disgusting Hollandaise Sauce with the boys and their brave pal Max.
Watch the whole hilarious episode here.
“Hot” Cocoa
- “The ‘hot’ did stand for hot.’
- “This is spicy as shit.”
- “Tastes like plastic.”
- “Just mean … and the worst experience because you don’t want to breathe in fuckin’ pepper oil.”
- “That is not awesome.”
- “It smells like delicious chocolate. I have been misled.”
Horehound
- “Cold, like a fisherman’s cough drop”
Popcorn Butter
- “I just chewed on butter. I went into a cow.”
- “I wouldn’t actually choose to vape that flavor, but if someone else was vaping it, I’d have them breathe on my food.”
Hollandaise Sauce
- “It’s like standing downwind from the Port-A-Potties at the world’s worst goddamn bratwurst fest.”
- “I’m gonna say it … it kinda tastes like vomit.”
- “You’re basically vaping mayonnaise. That can’t be good.”
- “It’s like dill that’s been hanging out in rotten milk, so it kinda has that weird ‘bodily fluid’ taste to it.”
Popcorn, Bacon, Worcestershire
This wasn’t the roughest Chopped-like basket of mystery misery, but lord, it wasn’t good. Marlee and Nick join the boys in this episode … and regret it almost immediately.
Popcorn
- Ian sez, “I wouldn’t buy it, and I would send it out in a [Zamplebox] box,” but it was okay.
Bacon
- “That tastes like bacon straight out of a Dumpster”
- It’s like the late-night Denny’s bacon sandwich. How is that so accurate?”
Worcestershire Sauce
- “It puts the worst in Worcestershire.” [It’s actually pronounced woost-er-shur, but Nick does get it right.]
- “The aftertaste is terrible.”
- “Like nasty pickled cabbage.”
- “They got it so down.”
Crab Legs, Dill Pickle, and the horrifying Wet Dream
Hannah and Jeremy from Good Life Vapor in Georgia are our brave guest tasters in this episode, and boy, do they get the worst of it in this episode. Yes, Crab Legs is nasty and Dill Pickle is unpleasant, but this time around Chris and Ian introduce them to the horrors of the worst “flavor” ever created … Wet Dream. (All of nicsaltify is for 21+ adults, but this episode in particular should not be shown to children, as it will scar them for life that such a flavor exists in our world. Also probably not shown to adults either, but it’s too late to turn back now.)
Get down with the sickness by watching this nauseating installment here. You have been warned.
Crab Legs
- “It’s like carpet cleaner.”
- “It smells like spoiled seafood.”
- It’s like “if crayons had a flavor, mixed with really old seafood.”
- “It gives you a film in your mouth.”
- “It’s like plastic and salt water.”
- “It gets worse sitting there on your tongue.”
- “It spoils in your mouth … and AGHHH, after!”
- “It tastes like a Home Depot.”
Dill Pickle
- “It’s kind of like the foreskin of the pickle.”
- “It’s like a rose garden full of pickles.”
- And that moment when you lose all hope: “I think that we’ve been tortured enough that this is just not that bad.”
Sriracha Lime
- “It’s like Satan just licked my esophagus.”
- “That’s a Mexican Donkey Dance, right in my throat.”
- And, most succinctly: “Fuck this shit.”
Wet Dream
Basically, I think what the takeaway from the gang’s tasting of Wet Dream is that it tastes like the wet spot after an extended hate-fuck. They actually had to break out a trash can to puke in for this one.
- “It’s like the sheets after a long, sweaty night.”
- “It’s very fleshy.”
- “It’s gonna ruin my whole day.”
- “It doesn’t go away.”
- “It tastes like skin.”
- “If swamp ass had a flavor.”
- “As a woman that has done things in the past, that’s pretty f*cking close.” (To the taste of a penis, if you didn’t catch that.)
- “It’s more than ass sweat.”
- “It doesn’t go away.”
- “It smells like the show Lost.”
- “That tastes like straight taint.”
- “A bottle of complete despair.”
